I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
