Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
