you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
