you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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