you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
