If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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