I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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