This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
