Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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