I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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