508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
