There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
