I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
