I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
