Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
