I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
