Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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