I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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