Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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