She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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