i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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