so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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