I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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