So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
