You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
