i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
