I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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