My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How does one acquire holy water?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
