I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
