I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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