drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
