you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
