is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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