Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
