I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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