Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
