i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
