I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
