i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
