I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
