uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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