I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
