yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
