Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
