I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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