Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
