After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
