honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
