Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize