Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
