How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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