also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
