That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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