No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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