I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
