great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
