Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
