Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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