Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
