I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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