I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
