you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
