My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
