You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
