She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
