Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
