i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've blown a few things in my day
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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